I typed “I want to disappear. Where do I start?” into a search engine.
The first result I saw was about suicide awareness. The next was Reddit. I won’t even go there.
If you want to disappear like someone from the CIA, or connect with a life coach, apparently you are set. But if you need real information about leaving a life behind and becoming difficult to find, where do you start?
You start by telling me why you want to disappear. Who are you trying to get away from? What could lead them to you? And what parts of your current life must continue after you leave?
I am Frank M. Ahearn. I spent years finding people who did not want to be found. Now I use what I learned to help people who need privacy, a clean break, or a way out.
Should You Disappear?
First off, because you want to disappear, or think you need to, does not mean you should. Vanishing from your life does not always solve the problem.
A few years back, I had a call with a nineteen-year-old kid who had been sentenced to a year behind a big wall. It was a nonviolent crime. He was scared and wanted to disappear.
I was honest with him. I did not think he had a chance of making it work, and the consequences could have turned that one year into three or five more. It was a heartbreaking call. He had made a stupid mistake, but disappearing would have made it worse.
Ultimately, he turned himself in. Today, he is living a better life.
So ask yourself: Does disappearing truly solve your problem? Maybe creating more privacy would be enough to change your life without leaving it behind.
Have you figured out how you will earn an income? Can you live without the people you love?
I have lived away from the States for thirteen years. Sometimes being a stranger in a strange land is harsh. Recently, I lost a good friend of forty years. He was my travel buddy and my daily blast of morning English conversation. You feel an absence like that, even when you have chosen where you live.
If you are thinking of going, put aside the search for tactics for a moment and think about yourself as a human being. What makes you believe you can survive after disappearing? Do you have the emotional strength? Have you thought about how you will live for the next five years? How will you earn money?
Those are some of the questions I would ask before we ever talk about where you might go. I have also written about the reality of living as someone who has disappeared.
I Want to Disappear
Think about your human needs, financial needs, and privacy needs. There is a balance you must maintain once you are gone. Leaving is one decision. Living afterward is every day.
If you want to disappear, email me at FA@FrankAhearn.com, and we can schedule a private consultation. Tell me why you want to go. I will tell you honestly whether disappearing makes sense for your situation.
Books to Help You Think Before You Go
If you would rather begin by reading, I have written three books that approach disappearing from different directions.
How to Disappear: A Pocket Guide to Thinking, Planning, and Staying Gone is about the decisions you need to face before you leave and the life you must maintain afterward.
How to Disappear: AI War Edition – I Am Not Your Data, Digital Starvation and the Art of Becoming Extinct looks at privacy in a world where your habits and digital behavior can reveal more about you than an address.
How to Disappear Journal: Seventy Of The Most Important Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Disappear asks you to face the human and practical questions before making a decision you may not be able to undo.
About Frank M. Ahearn
I began working as a skip tracer in 1984, finding people who did not want to be found. Later, I reversed that work and began helping people disappear or become difficult to find. I am the New York Times bestselling author of How to Disappear. Today, I work directly with people facing serious privacy problems and help them decide what kind of change their lives can actually support. Read more about my background.