The wealthy widow romance swindle has inspired many books and movies. However, for some women, it is a love scam they never see coming. I have worked on many in-person love swindles, from Lisbon to Stockholm, and one of the hardest parts is convincing the woman that she is a target. A love scam involves heavy manipulation and isolation. Central to that is isolating her from her family.
I explain more about how I handle these situations on my Romance Scam Help page
When dealing with these scams, you need to see them on several levels. The most obvious is the money. Then there is the emotional takeover, where the new man seems like an amazing person who has restored something within the victim: love and a new lease on life.
One of the dangers in trying to convince someone it is all fake is that she may decide fake love is better than no love at all. That is a hard idea to combat.
I worked on a case in Germany and sat down with the client. I laid out the evidence that the man was a fraud. I showed her how he had stolen from her and lied about his business. Her response was, “So, he takes more than he should, but he makes me smile.”
Wealthy Widow Romance Swindle
Over time, I have learned that spending time with victims and sharing my thoughts, evidence, and experience is far more helpful than coming at them hard and heavy-handed about the swindler. For a victim, it takes time to see the truth. Then it takes time to act on that truth in her own best interest. Once she realizes the man needs to go, it can happen.
I have removed many men from love swindles. You need to take a full inventory of finances and items in the home, including jewelry, art, bonds, and cash. Locks and alarm codes need to be changed. It is important to contact all financial institutions and make sure the scammer is not on any accounts and has not changed contact information or access codes.
For another example of dealing with someone already in a client’s life, read In-Person Love Swindle Switzerland.
Before the love swindler arrives at the home, it is best for the victim to be away from the location. The man is then told that he is not wanted there and that it is in his best interest not to return.
If you see signs that a family member may be the victim of a romance scam, you need to have a conversation. It will not be easy. Victims often isolate themselves to avoid exactly that conversation. Still, you must step in and not let the scam continue.
About Frank M. Ahearn
I began my career as a skip tracer and social engineer in 1984.
I learned how to find people through addresses, businesses, family connections, telephone numbers, and the small details people reveal without thinking.
Later, I reversed that work. I began protecting identities, making people difficult to locate, and helping clients disappear.
I am the New York Times bestselling author of How to Disappear and the author of the Blackmail Survival Series. I am European-based and work internationally.
Romance scammers manipulate love.
Blackmailers manipulate fear.
I understand both.
Contact Frank: FA@FrankAhearn.com
My Romance Scam Books
The Online Dating Journal: How to Identify Online Dating Red Flags and Avoid Romance Scammers, Married Men & Creeps helps you examine the person you are dating and recognize warning signs.
United States · United Kingdom · Australia · Canada · Germany
The Romance Detective: How to Tell If He’s a Jerk, Creep, Scammer — or Married is for people who are dating or talking to someone on a dating app and want to look more closely at who they are dealing with.
United States · United Kingdom · Australia · Canada · Germany